The Tooth, The Whole Tooth, and Nothing But The Tooth

Final one for tonight. This was not a writing prompt, but an idea I had after having all four wisdom teeth surgically removed at once. What if a werewolf had a cavity?


“Well? How ‘bout it?”

Frank was a good guy, but I’d hit him with a lot of shocks lately. I waited patiently as he drained the two fingers of scotch, his back to me.

“I dunno,” he said finally. “It’s still kind of weird to me.”

“Hey… I haven’t eaten your kids or humped your dog yet.”

“I’ve seen the way you look at my dog. If she gets knocked up, you can take care of the puppies.”

“Anyway. What’s the problem? It’s just like any other procedure you’ve done. I’ve got money; I’ll pay extra.”

“It’s not the money, it’s just- look, I’ll do it, but you owe me.”

“For what?”

“For freaking me out three weeks ago. Couldn’t you just go to a vet?”

“I don’t know any vets. You, I know.”

He looked longingly at the bottle of single-malt on the counter before grabbing his jacket. “Well, then, let’s go.”

The drive was inordinately long. I guess if I had as much liquid cash as Frank, I’d live way the hell out of town as well. We parked close to the building. I stood patiently in the frigid air as Frank fumbled with his key ring. The door opened after a couple of grunting twists on the lock and he slid inside to disarm the alarm. I watched as he pressed the door shut with his shoulder, squeezing it the extra centimeter to get the bolt thrown.

“You charge these rich folks how much for an appointment, and you can’t afford to fix your own office door?” I asked.

“I just never got around to it.” He unlocked an interior door and began flipping on light switches. “Sit” he commanded, pointing to a large padded chair on a pedestal. I eased an instrument tray out of the way and began undressing. “Do you have to change?” he complained.

“You can’t get to it unless I’m changed,” I said. “You don’t have to watch.”

“Thanks.” He turned to a shelf and began selecting sealed packets, but I could see him watching me out of the corner of his eye.

I skinned off my underwear and kicked my clothes out of the way. I half-crouched over, holding my arms in front of me. After almost a month of practice, I still can’t change slow enough to actually see what’s happening.

There was an instant of pain, as if I’d caught my insides on something and pulled- and then it was gone. My arms were covered in thick, inch-long, chocolate brown fur. My hands were covered in shorter fur, with dark skin on the pads of my fingers and palms; and- most impressive, I thought- curved and wickedly sharp claws where my nails used to be. This time I imagined that I could see the fur sprout. Usually it’s over, bam, before I can blink.

I settled into the chair and leaned back into the headrest. It was quiet for a few moments behind me, and I could feel Frank’s gaze burning the back of my head before he rattled around again. I’ve watched myself in the mirror before; I guess it is kind of impressive, visually. I wore myself out in the first week, watching myself change over and over.

Frank had the same wallpaper that it seemed everyone in his profession did- a sort of olive-green vertical stripe with improbable looking flowers. Why couldn’t they just paint it a solid color, I wondered? Probably the wallpaper hides the blood splatters better. Directly in front of me on the wall was an enormous framed diploma. The school’s name was buried in so much filigree as to be illegible. The language didn’t look like any Latin I remembered- maybe Italian, or pig-Latin. The only things I could make out were in English- “Franklin Wesley Grimes” and “Doctor of Medical Dentistry”. Did that say “University of Grenada” under the signature?

Frank laid a set of mediaeval -looking curved picks on the instrument table. I looked up and jerked reflexively. His face was covered by a blue paper mask and a pair of bulbous goggles. “Gah!” I said. My voice is wonderfully deep and rumbly when I’m changed. James Earl Jones, eat your heart out. “The Communion aliens have landed!”

“Just open your mouth.” I shut up. Frank was jumpy. He adjusted the ancient enameled reflective light over my face- those things must be hideously expensive, because I swear they’re passed on from generation to generation- and I opened my mouth as wide as it would go.

Which, in median form, is quite wide. My canines are each an inch and a half long from gum to tip, and with my mouth open fully there’s a good five inches between them, tip to tip. The better to eat you with, my dear. Frank looked a little faint. I was about to ask if he was OK when he recovered and jammed a clear tube under my tongue that immediately sucked up the flesh there. He moved it and began looking around with his mirror.

I could see his nose wrinkle up under the mask. “What do you eat?”

“Ahr eet.”

“Whatever, it stinks. Don’t you brush?” He picked up one of the small hooks and began picking at my teeth.

“Oht aher ah ust ahe ah ehr.”

“What?”

“Oht aher ah ust ahe ah ehr.”

“I can’t understand you.”

I glared at him and pushed his fingers out of my mouth with my tongue, and then bit down hard. The plastic tube severed and I spit the end out. “I said, not after I’ve just taken a deer.”
He looked stricken. “That’s more than I needed to know. And add a quarter for the tube to your bill.” He plucked the stub out and replaced it with a fresh one and it went back to sucking up the underside of my tongue. I locked my jaws open and stared at the ceiling.

He wiggled the pick in every crevice in my mouth. When he got to the hole in the side of my left upper carnassial the pick went in and hung, but he pulled until it came free anyway. It sprang out of the hole with a ‘pop’ and the point imbedded in my gums. “That’s the one, eh?” he asked without a trace of sympathy. He dug around and picked and scraped in the hole, grimly prying the bits of tarter off the tooth and clearing out the hole. My head jerked with his more vigorous efforts. I was afraid he was going to stand on my chest and go to it with both hands.

He stopped for a breather and I swallowed, tasting blood from my tortured gums. “What happens to it when you’re… human?” he asked. I stared innocently at him until he pulled the suction tube out.

“I’m not sure. I can’t tell if the tooth is resorbed into the body, or just kind of retracts up into the gums. My jaw hurts about where that tooth is even though it looks like a different tooth when I’m in normal form.”

“Hunh. We’ll have to X-ray your jaw and see if we can see them up there or not…” He trailed off, as I was shifting back to human.

“Take a look.”

Frank had shut his eyes. “No.” he said.

I shifted back to median. “Geez, Frank, are you ever gonna get used to this?”

“No. Don’t do that.” He turned and fumbled on the table while I smirked.

I stopped smirking when he turned around with the pneumatic drill in his hand. “Whoa, now, what’s that for?”

He hit the floor pedal to give the drill a couple of experimental whirrs. “It’s for your filling. That’s the biggest the cavity I’ve ever seen… hell, that’s the biggest tooth I’ve ever seen. It needs a filling.” He stuck the tube in my mouth again and poised over my face with the drill. “But I don’t know how Novocain would effect you, or how much to use on you like this; so you’re just going to have to endure for a minute or so.”

I swear he was grinning.

Thursday Prompt: “A First Time For Everything”

I took a little suggestive detour with this one. Having just completed the operation described below just before the prompt, it was readily in mind.


“So… you’ll do it?” She looked shyly at the floor before glancing up at him.

He sighed and sat down, spread-legged, opposite her. “Sure. But I warn you, I haven’t done this in a long time.”

She nodded eagerly and sat on her haunches. “That’s OK, I’ve never done it at all.”

“I know. We’ll take it slow at first. Now, first we’ve got to get the shaft good and lubricated…” He squirted some thick fluid from a tube and slathered it on. “That should be good enough… OK, I’m going to insert it; you be ready to guide it in.” He gently inserted the tip, wiggling it slightly, and began to slowly apply pressure.

Her brow furrowed as she concentrated, moving her fingers. “Uh… OK… Aaah, I can feel the tip!”

“Good, good, I’m going to push a little harder… Unf… it should go all the way in now…” He grunted with the effort, leaning into it. The shaft suddenly slid forward as far as it could and she gasped.

“It’s in! We did it!”

“We certainly did. Now, put that nut on it so it doesn’t slide out again.” He stood, wiping the white lithium grease from his hands with a rag, and leaned against the seat of the motorcycle. “Now you ought to be able to do that by yourself next time, but it is easier with two.” He tossed the rag at her playfully. “Now that we’ve got the axle shaft in, we need to put the brakes back on the disc. Torque that nut down good.”

Thursday Prompt: Frog

I have no idea how I came up with this from the writing prompt of “Frog”; but… there it is. I think I was working more on how to write dis-likeable characters.

___

“Stupid bitch.”

Jason kicked savagely at a fist-sized rock along the edge of the road as he spat out the words. The toe of his shoe hit the pavement before the rock, sending a shooting pain up his foot but only bouncing the rock off of the low brick wall that ran the length of the road. He grabbed his shin and sucked in a whistling breath, slowly settling his weight against the wall. He took a couple of deep breaths before gingerly setting his foot onto the ground again. “Fuckin’ great” he muttered, stretching his arms out against the top of the wall and leaning back.

His left hand brushed something cold and squishy, and he jerked it back quickly. A small, moss green frog hunched on the top of the wall, staring at him placidly through speckled gold eyes. Jason sighed, leaning back once again. He could feel the frog’s eyes on him and glanced sidelong at it. It remained immobile, its gaze unblinking and steady.

“The fuck you lookin’ at?” he asked the frog. It stayed motionless, as if carved from jade. Jason reached out a finger and stroked the top of the frog’s head. The pressure moved the frog lower by a fraction but it remained otherwise still. Its lack of reaction to Jason’s presence began to irritate him, and he flicked the frog on the end of it’s nose. The frog merely hunched further against the brick, still staring.

“Shouldn’t you be looking for a chick to kiss? Turn you back into a prince?” Jason asked before looking away. A lazy breeze rustling the leaves of a nearby tree was the only sound. He looked back at the frog. “Maybe you can kiss my ex-girlfriend. Bitch.”

The frog stared.

“Well, she is. Little whore gets herself knocked up, and expects me to stick around? Prolly ain’t even my kid. I told her she’d better be on the pill; ain’t my fault she gets pregnant.” He jammed his hands deep into his pockets and hunched forwards, looking away. “Besides, I’m too young to be stuck with a kid. I got places to be, things to do, you know? I’m supposed to be out buying diapers and shit?” He leaned sideways and brought his nose to within a foot of the frog, staring at the ebony oblong slits of its pupils. “She ain’t even a good fuckin’ lay, either. Just lays there. Might as well be fuckin’ a blow-up doll.”

The frog remained impassive.

“Fuck you too, then” Jason spat, and lurched to his feet. He turned and began to walk away when he heard a rumbling, croaked exclamation from the wall. He stopped and blinked- it almost sounded like a word, like-

He spun and examined the top of the wall, but the frog was gone; lost in the tall grass on the other side of the construction. He snorted and turned back. Stupid; it’s just a frog.

It sounded like “asshole”.

Thursday Prompt: Campfire

“Thursday Prompts” were something an online writing group I was in would offer as writing exercises. The moderator would post a short “prompt”, and you would write a short story based off that. The only rule was you couldn’t take more than a set amount of time to write it… I don’t remember what the time limit was, but I strained it every time. For this one, the prompt was “Campfire”. I think I had been reading David Drake or someone similar at the time.

___

“You think that’ll keep ’em off us for a while?” Phil asked, slinging a brass casing over the sandbags. The augmented muscles of his combat armor sent the shell one hundred yards away, raising a small doughnut of gray ash when it hit.

Gaelen shivered and sub-vocalized to bring up his suit’s menu. Amber icons scrolled across his helmet display as he quickly flipped through them to SUIT ENVIRONMENTAL. Another flurry of characters brought him to TEMP as he nudged the suit heaters up a couple of notches. “Shit, man, who knows. Maybe a couple of days.” He leaned on the receiver of the pintle-mounted heavy machine gun in front of him, causing the mount servos to chatter slightly as they compensated for the weight. A thin gust of near-arctic wind blew across the blasted plain, carrying a cloud of dark ash with it into the bunker.

Gaelen shivered again, this time with the memory of the assault he had just survived. Who thought the wogs had that many soldiers in this sector? Wave after wave of ebon cloaked figures emerging from the treeline several hundred yards away; seeming to walk across the shimmering tracers that snapped across the grassy field. How many had he himself killed in that frantic hour? Hundreds, certainly; but they kept coming from the trees, along with poorly aimed low-tech mortar rounds and rockets. What sort of idiot sent a wave attack against armor and heavy weapons? But even so, they had damn near made it across through the minefields and over the berm. So many of them, with the same blank expressions; not crying out even when his .52 rounds tore through their light armor and exploded in a pink mist. They just fell, their bodies trampled by the soldiers behind them. If it hadn’t been for the incendiary rounds screaming in from over the horizon, so close that the heat from their plasma flash-baked the outer layer of sandbags to glass, they might have made it into the firebase.

The wind gusted again, keening through the upright supports of the bunker; stirring the smoking, shattered timbers of what had been an observation tower into sullen flame. The faint scent of charred wood, roasted flesh, and the acrid, biting vapor from the incendiaries carried through his suit filters. Phil turned and popped the release lever on the machine gun, sliding the barrel from the receiver and tossing it to the floor with a resounding clang. “Well,” he said, hefting a replacement barrel from the crate at his feet, “At least we’ve got a seat next to the campfire tonight.”

Warning, frustrated author!

I think I’ve wanted to be an author since I was 10. From the first, not well thought out, gore-horror-mystery story idea I traumatized my 3rd grade teacher with; through the sketches for a sci-fi novel; onto college and my early 20s and a lot angsty, edgy werewolf shorts; through to the always unfinished novel; I’ve always had ideas and sketches for stories. Buoyed by Heinlein and Asimov and Bradbury and Niven, I would write in spurts and drabs and dribbles.

For 30 years, never finishing anything to the point of attempting publication. I joined a “Thursday Prompt” writing group, and started to write again; and then real life intervened as it always does, and that fell off as well. At one point I removed all shorts I’d had published on my website, with the idea of packaging them and shopping publishers. I wasn’t sure if anyone would touch them if they were available for free on a website. Obviously, that never went anywhere; and, frankly, a lot of them weren’t saleable in any case.

But now, well… why not. Throw them back up and let them go.

(Really, this is just a warning that there’s frustrated author stories about to flood the ‘blog for the next little bit.)

Law Enforcement is NOT (yet) a Profession

So… If you’re current or former law enforcement and read that title, and are ready to pour vituperation down upon my head, I ask you… Just read to the end. If you chose that career because you believed you could honestly do good for others, then you will give this article some consideration before attacking it.

A profession, sayeth Mirriam-Webster, is… Well, yes, the first three things; but also:

-a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation;

-a principle calling, vocation, or employment;

-the whole body of persons engaged in a calling

It’s the first one that concerns us here. Organizations such as the AMA and ABA identify four characteristics of a profession: 1) A common fund of knowledge 2) Certain standards or qualifications 3) some type of organization, and 4) Standards of conduct.

A Profession is a disciplined group of individuals who adhere to ethical standards and who hold themselves out as, and are accepted by the public, as possessing special knowledge and skills in a widely recognised body of learning derived from research, education and training at a high level, and who are prepared to apply this knowledge and exercise these skills in the interest of others. 

It is inherent in the definition of a Profession that a code of ethics governs the activities of each Profession.  Such codes require behaviour and practice beyond the personal moral obligations of an individual.  They define and demand high standards of behaviour in respect to the services provided to the public and in dealing with professional colleagues.  Often these codes are enforced by the Profession and are acknowledged and accepted by the community.

-Australian Council of Professions, 2003

The 1996 Georgia Peace Officers Standards and Training Council’s Peace Officer Reference Text- “P.O.R.T.” (the acronyms get out of hand pretty quickly); the manual you received Day 1 in the academy, mentions this definition, and compares it to Law Enforcement. It decides that “The first two characterizations of a professional are clearly evident in law enforcement. However, the last two, organization and clearly defined standards of conduct, are major deficiencies that must be corrected.” It goes on to say that while there may be national private bodies such as the IACP and international training organizations, they are private organizations and represent their own special interests. “but no national body establishes standards of conduct for the profession to the extent that members of the profession must adhere to such requirements”, the PORT concludes; “It is evident that law enforcement has taken the first steps towards professionalization. It is the responsibility of all in the profession to complete the progress.”

Whelp.

I read those words 25 years ago in my academy class, and remember it sparking a bit of debate between the class and the instructor. So, how are we doing now, in 2021? Do we have A common fund of knowledge, Certain standards or qualifications, Some type of organization, and Standards of conduct?

*Puts on green eyeshade visor and licks tip of pencil* Well, let’s just see.

Some type of organization

Well, yeah. It’s a quasi-military rank structure that falls under one governmental body or another. LE has that.

A common fund of knowledge

One thing Law Enforcement does do is share information. Memos and newsletters and bulletins fly back and forth; from state agencies and the FBI, ATF, DEA/EPIC, Homeland Security… Reams of paper of annual statistics, FOUO/LES/SSI memos, bulletins, and updates. Oh yeah, we share info; all the way down to the rural county Sheriff who posts a bulletin about an urban legend he read about on Facebook. LE folds, staples, mutilates, and collates forests worth of knowledge every year. In my own state, the Georgia Public Safety Training Center (GPSTC, pronounced “gyp-stick”… told you the acronyms were getting out of control) has detailed, cross-referenced and thoroughly annotated lesson plans on every topic that could possibly concern law enforcement. Certain specialties, such as accident investigations and forensics, cloak themselves in a scientific aura that sounds impressive but, upon investigation (and not a few Frye tests), turns out to be more attuned to anecdotal evidence than the scientific method.

But… None of them are uniform nationwide. When I went through the academy, it was 9 weeks. In Georgia, it’s now…

A little over 10 weeks. The average number of hours needed to become a mandated officer nationwide is 547…

A little over 13 weeks. And the curricula? Very, very varied. There is no national standard for training. National training groups exist; but they are all private entities… with their own agendas.

Certain standards or qualifications

Again, even more scattered than the last one… each individual agency decides what they need to have; and most of the time, that decision is made based on “what do we need to have at a minimum to keep us from being sued?” Occasionally, state agencies will mandate certain standards… When I started, you didn’t have to qualify with your weapon or have any training on use of deadly force after the Academy.

This didn’t change until 2006. It wasn’t that many years before I went to the academy that you could work for up to a year as a cop before you had to go to the academy to be certified.

And every state is different.

The only requirements you have to fill to keep your certification in Georgia every year are to 1) attend a 1 hour Use of Deadly Force class 2) pass annual firearms qualification and 3) attend 20 hours of advanced or in-service training. The one thing that gets cops year after year is the 20 hour training requirement. Even though I offered in excess of 1,000 training hours a year as the departmental training officer, I had officers every year didn’t get that 20. But hey, no sweat! Yeah, you lost the powers of arrest on January 2 the following year; but all you have to do is make up the training and sign a waiver; and your powers of arrest were reinstated retro-actively! Now it doesn’t matter who you arrested in the meantime; you’re all good!

And every state is different.

Standards of conduct

You already know what I’m going to say here: And every state is different. But actually, every AGENCY is different. Each agency makes their own Standard Operating Procedures (or Suggested Operating Procedures… more on that later). Sure, there are national and state-level accreditation agencies, who certify departments based on what their policies and procedures say: CALEA nationally, and GACLEA in Georgia… but what does that mean?

If you go to their websites, you see vague promises of Staunch Support from Government Officials and Stronger Defense Against Civil Lawsuits if your agency becomes Accredited with CALEA…

But what happens if you don’t; or you lose your accreditation?

Nothing. Except you save $16,125 for agencies with 200-999 officers; which describes every agency I’ve worked for.

Accountability matters, and there is none here.

But, what are the things these accreditation agencies require of a police department before they can be accredited?

Well… on the face of it, they sound good. But in practice, they’re so vague as to be useless. Such as GACLEA Standard 1.10:

The agency shall have Use-of-Force written directives that address the
following:

a. Personnel will only use reasonable force to accomplish lawful
objectives and, when possible, apply de-escalation techniques.

b. Prohibiting the use of choke holds or the use of any technique
restricting the intake of oxygen for the purpose of gaining control of a
subject, except in those situations where the use of deadly force is
allowed by law.

c. When it is objectively reasonable that a subject is in law enforcement’s
full control, any use of force must terminate.

d. The duty and obligation to intervene in order to prevent or stop the
known and apparent use of excessive force by ANY law enforcement
officer, including reporting requirements.

e. Discharging firearms at or from a moving vehicle.

f. The use of warning shots.

See any wiggle room in those? Shit. You could parade all of the entire National Denny’s Gold Customer Award winners through those holes, and that’s pretty wide. How many times have we seen those standards violated, in a very public manner, over the past 4 years?

Let’s look at some that have been in the national conscience lately:

2.1 The agency has a written directive that requires each sworn officer receive
annual training on:

a. legal updates
b. vehicle pursuits
c. authorized forcible stopping techniques
d. bias based profiling
e. search and seizure; and
f. the agency’s Critical Incident Plan.

Whoa, hold on, why does the 06/2021 revision have strikeouts? Do we not care about Bias Based Profiling in Georgia any longer? Maybe it’s a mistake; let’s look at another…

2.2 The agency has a written directive that requires all employees receive
annual training on:

a. off-duty conduct
b. sexual harassment
c. the agency’s policy on citizen complaints/Internal Affairs
d. ethics
e. dealing with the mentally ill or persons with diminished capacity; and
f. the agency’s polices on domestic violence incidents involving
employees of the agency.

Holy shit. That explains a lot, don’t it? And I haven’t mentioned “Suggested” operating procedures yet. You see, that verbiage sounds good on the face… after all, “Standard” operating procedures, with words like “shall” and “must” in them can’t cover every situation a cop might find himself in. He might do the right thing but still get hung on the “technicality” of unbendable SOPs. I sympathize with that…

…but it leads to the untenable practice of “commonly accepted practice” becoming “SOP”. Agencies have been handed a lot of consent decrees based on their “unofficial commonly accepted practices” running afoul of common decency.

There have to be standards. If LEOs are so hung up on imitating the military, then let’s hold them to those standards.

I think we can discount this point, as well. And I haven’t even mentioned that there’s no national standard, and-

Every state is different.

Folks. If you care at all about policing; if you’ve spent hours of sweat and frustration because you believed this was a noble calling, you have to agree with me.

There HAVE to be national standards, in all four areas, that every LE agency conforms to in this country. Otherwise we’ll wake up to headlines about cops committing some atrocity somewhere in the US on a daily basis.

Like we do today.

Law Enforcement is NOT a profession.

But it can be.