The World’s Dumbest Coup Attempt… is still a coup attempt

Whelp. It seems that baby new year, after receiving the top hat and sash from old 2020, promptly downed a fifth of tequila and rode a dumpster of flaming MAGA shit downhill into an orphanage of screaming toddlers, while flinging plague rats with Mitch McConnell’s face at passers-by.

Does that sentence make no sense? Neither does baby new year. (Apologies to Jim Wright, who has a similar saying that I now realize I paraphrased. Seriously, though; check out his ‘blog. And Twitter @Stonekettle. And photography.)

Except… that it really does. What happened on January 6th- all of it; the hordes of delusional Qanon MAGAidiots descending on DC, the usual Republican names egging them on, members of law enforcement and the military in the crowd, members of Congress actually aiding and abetting the crowd- was completely predictable. And had been predicted, by many, many people. I didn’t think they’d actually try and claim Antifa was behind it all, but some predicted that too.

And while it’s amusing to chuckle at Conan the Brietbartarian in his face paint and horns, and the idea (possibly fallacious) of some guy tasering his balls to death, and MAGAs not being able to fly home and crying about it; there’s something far more serious here that these same people who predicted 1/6 are still screaming about… Something that those of us secure in our mundane existence don’t want to think about, because isn’t there already enough shit going down, man? Almost a year of lockdowns and avoidable deaths and job losses and that annoying guy at the water cooler who won’t shut up about Nancy Pelosi? Can’t I just get a break already?

I wish I could tell you that it’s alright; that the DC authorities have learned their lesson and there won’t be a repeat during the inauguration and these weird guys will vanish after Trump is out of office…

But.

As much as I fervently hope for the same thing, I truly do not think that’s how it’s going to go.

As buffoonish and clumsy as this coup attempt… (and let’s not mince words about what this was… attempting to remove leaders of the opposition government so your favorite outgoing president can stay in office despite there being absolutely no evidence that this position is valid IS a coup attempt, and to call it anything else is not just phrasing or semantics but a lie to reduce the perceived severity of the situation) …as clumsy as this coup attempt appeared, there were people involved who had some semblance of a plan and organization, and skills necessary to achieve their goals. That they failed may only be due to the quick thinking of a single black police officer who led the seditionists away from the congresspersons they almost certainly intended to kidnap or kill. That noose they assembled wasn’t solely for optics, and their choice of a noose wasn’t coincidental. There were current and former law enforcement and military members in this attempt, and many, many more who didn’t go to DC but share the goals and ideas of those who did. Do you get a chill when you think about how many cops, how many National Guard members, how many regular military troops share the same sentiments?

You should. Because they are the ones you are relying on to keep in you in your warm, safe bubble. Are you sure they won’t find you objectionable, even if you’re white? Got a Biden sticker on your car? Hmm…

More than that, while this MAGA movement is, at it’s core, a white supremacist movement, (yeah yeah, surprise, cockbag, racism is still alive and well and more widespread than you thought); unlike that LAST white supremacist sedition, this isn’t North vs. South (and it wasn’t entirely that last time, either). We’re all mixed together now. That guy at work with the confederate flag sticker he still hasn’t removed? He’s probably one. That woman with the thin blue line Punisher sticker? Sus, dude. The person wearing a MAGA hat in Wal-Mart with no mask? Oh yeah. And while a lot of them may be appalled by what happened in DC, a whole lot more will be cheering it on, even if they don’t say it out loud.

Which means they won’t raise any objections when the mob decides to beat you with an American flag because you said “Hey, hold on, that’s wrong, you need to stop!”

So what I’m trying to say is: Even if we get through the next week without violent confrontations, it’s not over. While 81 million voted for Biden, 74 million voted for Trump. And a startling number of those don’t have any problem with what happened in DC. They won’t quit overnight. And a large number of THEM have been raised on the Turner Diaries, just as Timothy McVeigh was, and wank themselves to sleep each night dreaming about knocking out the power grid by shooting very hard to replace transformers with their .50 caliber penis extension rifles, or bringing down a federal building with a truck full of ANFO, or even just beating the shit out of whoever they think is antifa this week. You can’t count on them all to be incompetent.

So, be careful out there. Prepare yourself, mentally, for the possibilities. Use some situational awareness when you are out and about, especially if you live in a state capitol.

In law enforcement, we were taught the “Cooper Color Code” for situational awareness… we’ll leave aside Col. Cooper himself right now and just look at the idea. At any given point, you are at a certain level of awareness, represented by a color… Sitting in your living room in your underwear binge watching Netflix and cramming pizza down your gob? You’re at White, no awareness on what’s going on around you other than the show on TV and how many slices are left. That’s cool, you’re at home and it’s been a rough day.

In an unfamiliar neighborhood and trying to find an address? Probably at Condition Yellow; paying attention to your surroundings, don’t see any threats, but you’re looking for the street and paying more attention than you were in White.

Suddenly see a guy standing on the side of the road, looking like he’s about to cross the street? Body position says he’s about to go for it? Condition Orange… you’ve seen a hazard (because you were paying attention and you’re focused on him, ready to slam on the brakes if you have to so you don’t turn him into a hairy wet alpaca sack full of strawberry ice cream (you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to allude to a Catch 22 reference)).

Crap! He’s making a run for it! You are now in Condition Red! You’ve already decided- maybe subconsciously- what you would do if he jumped into the street, and now he has. You put your plan in action; slam the brakes and hit the horn and cuss.

Folks… Even if you are still in condition White- quite an appropriate color name at this point- you need to slap yourself and get in Condition Orange. No, I don’t mean you need to start applying war paint and the skins of dead animals; but recognize that there’s a credible threat and start planning on your response.

Let’s all be careful out there.