Oh, you dumbass.

Yup, I’m talking about myself. Why? Well, with one stupid, panicked decision, I threw away a 14 year career. Fired from my current job, charged with False Statements, most likely going to have my certification as a police officer revoked.

Wait, what? What did I do? Murder someone? Take a bribe? Bone the mayor’s daughter?

No, no, nothing like that. I really can’t- or, rather, shouldn’t, until the mess is over- spew details. Long story short, I made a mistake on a record, and lied when called on it. When I realized that I was in fact wrong with my facts, I fessed up… but by that point it had gone too far. The record itself is wrapped up in a rather politicized, highly publicized case; and while others have done much the same sort of thing, it’s far too public to minimize. The mistake itself was forgivable; and, in fact, really had no bearing on the case it was associated with one way or the other. But my lie- induced by panic at the mistake I’d made on such a public item- isn’t forgivable. I’ve told students in my classes countless times that the one thing in law enforcement that you can never get back once you’ve given it up is your integrity, and that’s the one thing I tossed away in a frantic moment of panic.

And, actually, that’s probably the hardest thing to deal with- the number of cops that I know around this part of the state, who I’ve either worked with or taught in a class, calling wanting to know what’s going on. Most of them are expecting me to say that I’ve gotten shafted, that I’m the fall guy for something, that there’s more to the story that absolves me of some of the guilt. And I have to tell them that nope, this was my fault; I made this bed and I have to lie in it. Some of them still believe that there’s some kind of conspiracy behind it, because they know me, and this isn’t something I’d do… and I thank them for their belief in me, but sometimes you never know what a person will do under extreme stress.

So now I’m once again looking for a job… and the market sucks. Really sucks. I do have real-world experience in a number of areas- supervision, management, abundant computer skills- but it’s hard to get an employer to realize that when all they see for the past 14 years is law enforcement. Well, that’s what a resume is for, right? Describe those skills and how they’ll relate to whatever job it is your applying for? Sure, sure… if a human ever sees it. So many jobs direct you to a website to apply… and if that script doesn’t see exactly the right combination of words, it dumps it into the “not qualified” bin before a person ever sees it. Gets downright depressing, it does.

One would think, then, that I had ample free time to exercise my writing. And, in fact, I have been thinking about writing down all the strange, disturbing, funny, or otherwise somewhat interesting anecdotes I’ve lived through in my now-aborted career, grouping them by subject, and posting them up here.

Right after I check monster.com for the hundredth time.