When making truly evil chili, the important thing to keep in mind is that hotter is better. I don't mean temperature-hot, although that's important too (no one likes cold chili)... I mean take-a-bite-and-get-your-tonsils-kicked- out-a-couple-of- seconds-later hot. Spice is all-important. "Long live the spice!" Also, anything can go in chili. Anything. Use your imagination and whatever's laying around- chocolate, beer, unidentified spices stuck to the rack, dead cockatiels, whatever. The proportions aren't all that strict, either.. if it tastes good, it is good.

The below proportions make enough chili for five people; or two with healthy appetites: (TBS=Tablespoon, tsp=teaspoon, lbs=pounds, oz=ounce, 2+2=4)

Salt 1/2 TBS Cayenne Pepper 1/2 tsp Masa (corn) Flour 2 TBS Cajun Seasoning* 4 TBS Ground Beef 2 lbs Tomato Sauce 8 oz Kidney Beans 8 oz Water 2 cups Tabasco 1 Big-Ass Bottle White Onion 1 (diced) Garlic 1/2 clove (minced)

Also can be added:

Dark Chocolate, powdered Bell/Jalapeno/Habanero Peppers, chopped Shredded cheddar Beer 1 can/bottle Spicy sausage> 1/2 to 1 pound

* Cajun seasoning is mostly salt, red and black pepper, cayenne pepper, and garlic powder... you can mix it up yourself or use commercial... commercial is easier.

Brown the ground beef and cook sausage (if using any). Drain fat. Use to make stinky tallow candles. Add salt, cayenne, flour (for thickness), cajun seasoning, meat(s), tomato sauce, beans, onion, garlic, and water in pot and stir together. Shake in as much tabasco as you think you can stand (add more cayenne if wanted). (Add beer and chocolate and whatever else too; except cheddar). Chili will look very watery... this is ok. Put pot over heat and bring to fast simmer. Simmer until chili is nice and thick... most of the water simmered off. This may take an hour or two if you're making mass quantities! Serve up in bowls with even more tabasco and cheddar. Prepare steam blaster to clean pot. Have lanolin-coated toilet paper near privy.

Note: If you're cooking over an open wood fire, smear liquid dish soap over the outside of the pots before doing anything with them. This way you can wash the soot off much easier when you're done.

Not recommended for those with gastric disorders exacerbated by spicy foods, small children, pregnant women, or untreated steel. EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK!